walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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