I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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