I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
