Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize