Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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