I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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