cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
did i walk over a car last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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