Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Vodka?
Forever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
