Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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