I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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