Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
