I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
