chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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