I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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