Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
