Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
