I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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