Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
