You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
