I wish my penis had an off switch
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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