You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
