How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
