My liver just broke up with me...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
