I don't think brook has ever known best
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize