Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drake has all the answers
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
