well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
