a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
