Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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