I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
love makes seman taste better
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
