you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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