He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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