planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
