1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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