shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
