My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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