Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
