If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
