My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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