i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize