as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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