My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
