So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
