Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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