I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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