A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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