just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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