Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize