I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
