I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
