You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
