Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
