The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
