I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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