Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
