Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
