Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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