she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize