My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
