no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
