Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
