I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
