Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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