All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
