my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
