When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
